Whose Bright Idea Was This!
by Meulin's Disciple
Summary: Our heroes discover the horror that is the unvoiced Z-skits in the original game! And it gets worse... Far worse... Crackfic. Rated T for the lulz, and for language, some suggestive themes, and crack... But mostly for the lulz. Please R&R!


_**A/N (Additional Note at the Very End):**_ _Hey, peoples! It's been a fair amount of time, am I right? XD_

_Well, I had the idea for this when I was thinking about how annoying and crappy Z-skits in the game are without voice acting and this oneshot became so cracky, that it basically went to hell._

_For those who read this, I have a challenge, and it does have a reward. Within the story, I have two references to popular culture. One of these references should smack you in the face if you've heard of it before. If anyone can find both references, can quote the sentence they are found, and tell me specifically what the reference is to in a review, then I will pm them telling them that they won my challenge and I will do a ToS/ToS: DoTNW romance oneshot for them as long as these simple guidelines are followed:_

_-I will not do yaoi or yuri. Het couples only._

_-I am willing to do a lemon if that's what is desired._

_-You must provide a prompt; no prompt, no oneshot._

_-I absolutely refuse to do incest, pedophilia, or rape. While I'm at it, I won't do a Genis/Presea lemon either. I just won't. Actually, no Genis/Presea, period. That's the only couple I will outright refuse to do at all, lemon or not. Sorry._

_-If you want a lemon, please limit it to two people. I won't do threesomes or orgies either._

_Here's what makes my challenge even harder: there are several references to what could be considered popular culture, but there are only two that I'm looking for. Also, when guessing, you can only make two guesses. Aren't I evil?_

_Actually, I'll be nice. You can make three guesses, but no more than that._

_Well, good luck guessing!_

_Oh! And read, enjoy, and don't forget to review! ;3_

_P.S.: If nobody can guess both references correctly, then I will pick a name randomly from the people who got at least one reference right and that person will be pmed._

_P.S. (To Dr. Bob (if he is reading this)): The first chapter of "The Twelve Gifts of Christmas" is almost done. I've been busy with stuff, like applying to colleges, so please be patient! I'm so sorry for the ridiculous __wait!_

**_Edit!:_**_ I was giving this a once over (yes, I should've done that before I posted this) and I found a little error. Fixed it and it's all good to go! Enjoy! And I know people have been reading this... I mean seriously; 50 visitors and 54 hits? And no reviews whatsoever? Come on, peoples! You can do better than that! People (myself included), in general, always appreciate a well thought out and well-written review. ^^ _

_And FYI, I WAS going to post this REALLY long rant (I just deleted it after like... five to ten minutes after starting), but I calmed down a little, enough to clear my head a bit._

_

* * *

_

The day seemed to be going quite well. Raine made yet another human ranch asplode into bazillions of little kibbles and bits, many jokes were made about Sheena's gazongas, and Zelos was falcon pawnched in the skull for the ten-millionth time that hour. Yup. Typical day. Suddenly, only two moments and a fish head after they finished robbing- I mean, beating up- I mean, brutally murdering and looting- I MEAN… Oh, forget it…

Not long after they finished doing some stuff, which, for the sake of not incriminating/imposing criminal charges onto our heroes is classified…

"Ooh! What's _that_, Professor?" Lloyd asked.

"That's a blade of grass, Lloyd! Haven't we gone over this already?"

"Really…? Wait! No, not _that_! _That_!" Lloyd clarified (though he doesn't know what the hell "clarify" even_ means_…)

"Lloyd, are you high…?"

"Of course, why?"

"…"

"Hey, Professor Sexytimes, I think bud here's talkin' about the words in the white font." Zelos said because he was just that much of a smartass.

"Unless you want me to use my staff as a _very_ long and painful dil- Ahem… Never mind… I always forget there are _kids_ in the party…" Raine glared at… everyone in the party who was a minor.

"_Technically_, Raine, "kid" is the name for the young of a goat." Genis pointed out, looking oh-so very smug.

"What's a goat…?" Sheena asked, cocking (insert immature giggle here) her head to the side in a curious gesture.

"I think it's some new brand of soda…" Raine guessed.

"What the hell, Genis? Goats don't _exist_ in Tales of Symphonia and neither does soh-dah!" Regal growled uncharacteristically.

"What's a Tales of Symphonia…?" Presea asked with all the emotion of a toaster.

"I think we should start talking about the white font in the lower left corner again!" squeaked a very fake-sounding girly voice, coming from an auburn-haired emo man who wore a sign around his neck declaring him as "Not Kratos".

"I agree with the disembodied voice." whined Genis, who was just too smart for his own damn good ("Let me at him! _Let me at him_!" Mithos shouted from backstage, restrained by seven hundred sixty-five slices of Kratoast).

"Nobody cares about you, Genis!" everyone else shouted in unison.

"So," Sheena implored, "what are we supposed to do?"

And out of frickin' _nowhere_, Zelos pulled… a Nintendo Gamecube controller…?

Seriously?

Anyway…

"Well, I think we're supposed to press the zuh button… Wait a minute… What the hell's a "zuh" button?" Zelos turned the device every which way, including inside out.

"It's pronounced, 'zee', not 'zuh'… idiot…" Sheena grumbled.

"What_ever_! And I don't _speak_ French!" Zelos stuck his tongue out at Sheena and pressed said "zee" button.

Lo and _behold_, they all appeared as frickin' pictures in frickin' picture frames! So where the _hell_ are my frickin' sharks with frickin' lasers on their hea-... Sorry, wrong franchise…

So, Zelos babbled on and on and on and _on_ for the next Martel-knows how long, but…

No one could hear him. Instead, his complaints appeared as white font at the bottom of the screen (which everyone ignored). Then Lloyd tried to speak, only to find that the words he spoke appeared as white text, jumbled amongst Zelos'. Lloyd actually found the brains (probably from a dead bear. You know, those ugly-ass ones from the original game that looked almost _nothing_ like actual bears? Yes. _Those_) to write a sign (Ha ha! Lloyd _writing_? Good one!)

The sign read: "What kind of place _is this_?"

Raine sighed and wrote a sign of her own: "The kind that's created when Namco is too lazy and cheap to hire voice actors to voice the skits."

_**Somewhere in Japan…**_

"Didn't I tell you it was a brilliant idea?" laughed Namco Executive Bastard.

"Yes, yes. Excellent work, NEB! Now, with the money we saved from the lack of voice acting in the American localization, we can achieve our ultimate goal: to make the 'Tales of' series more popular than Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest! Stupid Americans!" Head Honcho of Namco cackled.

_**Somewhere else in Japan…**_

"Breaking News!" the day's newspaper proclaimed, "Square Enix has just fallen to a horde of poorly voice-acted 'Tales of' characters!"

"This just in!" a reporter announced, "The 'Tales of' series is now the most popular RPG series in the _world_!" he cried, flailing his arms like the madman he was.

_**Twenty years and a pistachio later…**_

It was a happy day indeed when the angry "Tales of" fangirls beheaded the Head Honcho of Namco for his abuse of the money saved when he switched to Geic- I mean, the money saved when the American division of Namco was too foolish to voice the Z-skits…

And it was also a sad day when the fangirls, and even the fanboys, realized that there would never again be a new "Tales of" game…

* * *

_**Additional A/N:**__ Oh, come on! You know that's really why Namco didn't voice the Z-skits in the English dub: the American division and Japanese division are in cahoots to take over the RPG game market!_

_Okay, maybe not…_

_Well, you can't blame me for making random conspiracy theories, can you? XP_


End file.
